


Billie Jean

by DGCatAniSiri



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 18:21:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1867761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DGCatAniSiri/pseuds/DGCatAniSiri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard takes a little more issue with the fact that Liara went to such extremes to bring him back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Billie Jean

**Author's Note:**

> Call this therapy work for me - I have some serious issues with Liara recovering Shepard's body for the reason of 'I couldn't let you go,' and handing it off to Cerberus to let them practice their mad science on it. So I wrote a fic about it to get some of that anger out of my system.

Not being a tech expert, the extent of Shepard’s ability to judge the state of the new _Normandy_ was by how shiny it was. By that standard, it was quite impressive indeed. Even the AI (Shepard wasn’t ready to use the name that it had described itself with) wasn’t exactly unpleasant to have. You know, if the whole ‘illegal AI’ aspect was ignored. 

_Given that I’m on a terrorist vessel, the AI probably isn’t where I should focus,_ he mused to himself as he walked to the lift. The old _Normandy_ had been fairly small, in compared to this luxury liner of a vessel. Shepard decided that, despite not trusting Cerberus any further than he could throw the entirety of their organization in a single shot, they DID know how to build a vessel. 

Hitting the switch for the highest level, the one marked ‘Captain’s Cabin,’ Shepard sighed. Despite having spent two years dead (he still couldn’t wrap his mind around that one, opting to do his best to ignore it, even if the galaxy had changed in that time), he was tired. Seeing things on Freedom’s Progress had been troubling. Although Tali’s face (mask... whatever) had been a welcome sight, between a colony straight out of a horror film, with the dinner still warm on the table, a YMIR mech on a rampage, learning about these evolved bugs called the Collectors who were responsible for abducting the colony – not to mention the attack on the previous _Normandy_ \- and the fact that he hadn’t even had a break from being brought out of his comatose state on the station until now, (and that didn’t even get into the fact that his last clear memory before all of this was being in space, struggling for breath, a memory he was doing all he could to repress), he was beat. 

The lift deposited him in a small area, he figured meant for his privacy, separating the cabin from the elevator. Entering the cabin, he couldn’t help but be impressed. He’d seen apartments that were smaller. Cerberus had spared no expense, clearly. The fish tank on one wall begged for something inside of it ( _You kill plants, you really want to try your hand at fish?_ ), the bed might actually give him a good night’s sleep, and there was plenty of space for Shepard to indulge in a hobby or two. His father had been a fan of building model ships, maybe he’d try his hand at it. Though he’d probably avoid the old fashioned wooden sailing ships. Maybe some model Alliance cruisers or something...

It was looking over this space over the desk on the upper level of the cabin that something caught his eye – a holographic picture frame on the desk. It was set on an image of Liara.

Shepard was extremely confused – it was the only personal effect in the room, and he knew that he hadn’t had any with him when he’d gotten spaced, or while he was comatose, or even just in the time since he’d woken up. He went to it and attempted to see if he could change the image – maybe all of the old crew was loaded onto it. However, it seemed that the only image the frame had was the one of Liara. Very confused, Shepard just switched the image off, setting the frame face down on the desk, deciding that he needed to get to the business of removing the Cerberus bugs that no doubt were all over the room.

***

It wasn’t until a few days later, after Zaeed and Garrus had joined the crew and as Shepard was preparing to head back over to Omega and into the plague zone to find the salarian scientist, that he saw that the picture frame had been put back up and switched back on. He had been planning on sweeping the room for more bugs during their trip to either Purgatory or Korlus (he hadn’t decided if he’d go after the convict or the krogan first), but clearly once he got Mordin Solus on the ship, he’d have to get down to the business of clearing the room again.

Regardless of the fact that it meant that he was going to have to up his sweeping of the room, he wondered why whoever it was who was putting the bugs in place (it couldn’t have been Miranda, who’d been on Omega with him, not to mention how she was smart enough to not leave an obvious sign of having been there, which meant it was some crewman on the ship) seemed determined to have the picture up and active. It was a dead giveaway that someone had been in Shepard’s quarters without his permission, after all. 

He didn’t understand it, but he just switched it off again, this time, setting it down in the desk drawer.

***

Having Garrus on the crew was a welcome relief. What was even more of a relief was the fact that Kasumi, upon her arrival, had turned the starboard lounge into a bar. After letting the tank krogan out ( _Grunt,_ Shepard reminded himself), he’d desperately needed a drink. Kasumi had graciously vacated the lounge so he and Garrus could chat and reminisce about ‘the good old days.’ (Though Shepard was curious if she had actually decided to hang around cloaked, but it was the thought, right?)

Of course, reminiscing and drinking led Shepard to thinking about those they’d lost.

“Miranda refuses to let me see the casualty list from the _Normandy._ Says it might trigger some kind of post-traumatic stress event,” Shepard said as he started to feel melancholy.

Garrus scoffed. “Well, then she clearly doesn’t know you. Those names are what keep you going. Avenging them is why you keep fighting.”

Pouring himself another drink, Shepard shrugged. “Avenging, honoring, grieving... Those names mean a lot to me.” He took his drink and held it up in a toast. “To those we’ve lost along the way.”

Joining the toast, Garrus nodded. “May they rest in peace.” They clinked their glasses together and took a drink. “So tell me something, Shepard. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but... You never really talked about Virmire. At least, not to my knowledge.”

“What was there to talk about, Garrus? My orders got Ashley killed.” The wounds of Virmire still felt raw. Dying had been something of a crimp in the process of moving through this kind of traumatic event. 

Of course, like a good friend, Garrus wasn’t going to let him wallow in self-pity. “No. It was Saren and the geth that did that. You had to make a decision, that’s all.” He paused. “I know it must have been hard to send someone you cared about to their death, but you can’t blame yourself for making the call.”

Shepard almost simply agreed with Garrus, but, thinking over his words in his mind, Shepard thought he picked up a touch of added significance when he made even the indirect mention of Ashley. “Garrus, I’d feel the same if it had been Kaidan with the distraction team. I lost a friend that day, and that’s still something that haunts me.”

Once again, Shepard’s intuition had been right. “You mean you and Ashley weren’t-? Oh.” The turian seemed surprised by this information, the look on his face saying that he was reevaluating what he’d seen and thought before.

“What exactly were you thinking was going on between us, Garrus?”

“Well, I saw the two of you talking a lot of the time. And she certainly got protective of you when Liara came on board. On a turian ship, that would usually mean that the two of you were... calibrating weapons together, if you get my meaning.”

Shepard rolled his eyes. “Why is everything calibrations with you?” Garrus shrugged, and Shepard shook his head, recognizing that the last thing he needed was THAT discussion. “At any rate, no. Ash and I were just friends. There was nothing going on between the two of us.” Thinking back, he did recall an occasion where her mention of fraternization was against the regs sounded flirtatious, but he’d never returned the possible flirting. Ashley had simply been his friend, nothing more.

“Sorry. I guess I wasn’t that familiar with human body language and attitudes at the time. There wasn’t much call for it back in the old C-Sec days. I dealt more with turians, asari, and salarians than humans.” He was quiet a moment, considering. “Then I suppose that also means that those rumors running around about Liara weren’t true either?”

_Oh lord..._ Shepard was glad he hadn’t taken a drink at that point. He surely would have choked on it. “Ash mentioned something like that, talking about how it wasn’t against the regs for me to get involved with her since she wasn’t Alliance, but no, nothing ever went on between Liara and me.”

Shepard expected that to be the end of it. And then Garrus let out a small chuckle. “Except her melding with you, though I suppose that couldn’t exactly be helped, could it?” He spoke about it as if there was something else about that melding that he expected Shepard to know.

And the feeling that this conversation was giving him was not one that Shepard particularly liked. He crossed his arms and glared at Garrus. “What exactly do you mean?”

Being put on the spot like this, the Garrus who had become Archangel and engaged in a crusade to clean up Omega melted away, and it was just Garrus Vakarian, the young and inexperienced C-Sec agent, being dressed down by his superior officer. “Uh... Well... You do know that melding like that... It’s the way that asari... mate, right? That the whole melding thing... That’s sort of like the asari version of sex. Granted, there are supposedly different types of melds, but they do need to do it in order to actually...” He trailed off, though whether it due to discomfort about the topic or because he’d noticed Shepard gaping at him, it was difficult to tell.

Shepard did have a vague recollection of Liara mentioning that asari reproduced in some kind of unconventional (to Shepard’s way of thinking, of course) fashion, but it certainly hadn’t been put to him quite like that. “Garrus. You mean to tell me that I let Liara metaphorically get more intimate with me than most third dates without knowing about it and that I did it in front of the entire squad?” Before Shepard could help it, a thought about how this new knowledge put Liara’s fainting spells after melding with him in a whole new light passed through his mind. He suddenly felt the need for a shower.

“Well... Not quite...” Shepard almost sighed in relief. Experience, though, made him hold that breath in for a moment. Sure enough, Garrus HAD to drop the other shoe. “I don’t think it’s all that metaphorical, given the asari.” And there it was... Shepard moaned and buried his face in his hands.

***

It was a few weeks later when he finally saw Liara T’Soni again in person. Part of him wanted to be angry with her, given the new context he had for those three times that she (and that one time that Shiala had done it, as well) had linked minds with him. On the other hand, this was a friend, someone who had stood by his side as he’d fought back against Saren and his geth, someone who had stood beside him when he’d stolen the Normandy and defied the Council. 

On top of that, he knew that he never would have been able to decipher the prothean message without her help, and without that, Saren would have unleashed the Reapers on them, meaning he owed Liara and the meld his life. Despite the new context of a couple of events – events that, when he was honest with himself, had to have happened in order to get them to Ilos and stop the Saren and the Reapers – this was still a friend. And, given the disaster that had been Horizon ( _Did your brain completely stop working, Shepard? ‘Hey Kaidan. How’s it going?’ As if it hadn’t been two years for him? As if you weren’t working with the same organization who wiped out your unit on Akuze? How stupid are you?_ ), a friendly face willing to see him again had been welcome.

It was why he still greeted her with a gentle hug, and why he went along with helping her hack into the databases around Illium and uncovering that Nyxeris was on the Broker’s payroll. 

And then she dropped the bombshell. 

“I... gave your body to Cerberus.”

Something in Shepard snapped. “You what?!”

“I had to, Shepard. They... they were the only ones who could bring you back!”

“Bring me BACK? Liara, I was dead! I was meat and bones. Whatever was left... No one could have expected that anyone could do more with it than give it a burial. What you recovered... How could you even think that it was the right thing?”

She’s nearly in tears at this point. “Because they said that they could bring you back, Shepard! And I... I couldn’t let you go.”

“You couldn’t let me go? Liara, you talk about it like that was your choice to make. That you had the right to do it! You didn’t!” Shepard stood and placed both of his hands on the desk, eliciting a loud THUMP at the sudden weight. Liara flinched at the sound, but said nothing. “Liara, how could you do this to me?”

“You were dead, Shepard! You would have still been dead if I hadn’t done anything! And the Reapers... You know as well as I that the Council wouldn’t listen to the rest of us. If anyone had the chance to get them to listen, to stop the Reapers, it’s you. I had to.” She locked eyes with Shepard, and there were tears in hers. “What would you have had me do, Shepard?”

“Let me rest, Liara. What about my wishes? I have a Do Not Resuscitate order on file, and I know you heard me talking with Doctor Chakwas about it, after Saren’s attack. You knew I was dead, and you gave me to Cerberus. Cerberus! You know what they did with the rachni, the creepers, the husks... You know what they did to my unit on Akuze...! And you thought handing my body to them, to let them work whatever kind of Frankenstein science they cooked up, was the best option?” There was a moment as he considered all of her words.

In a flash of realization, he understood. “You couldn’t let me go. That was your problem. You deluded yourself into thinking that the two of us having to meld to stop Saren meant something more than that, that it meant that we had some kind of relationship deeper than we did.” She looked away, a silent admission of guilt. “How COULD you? You thought disregarding my wishes and having me brought back would... what, cause me to come in here, sweep you off your feet, pledge my undying love for you? Did you think about my wishes, or just what you wanted to get out of this?” There didn’t seem to be anything that she could come up with to answer that. 

That was the final straw for Shepard. He couldn’t take any more of this, could barely stand to look at her at that moment. He turned and walked out the door, fully intending never to return again.

***

When he returned to his quarters, the first thing he did was to take the blasted picture frame of Liara and toss it in the garbage chute. He wasn’t even conscious of doing it, the act done completely on autopilot. Later, when he managed to stop seeing red and calmed down, Shepard found himself leaning against his desk, staring at the model ships in front of him. The original _Normandy_ , Sovereign, a half-assembled turian cruiser he’d been in the process of putting together when they’d arrived at Illium... All of them reminding him of the hunt for Saren. He felt like he was having to rethink everything that had gone on in those days, just because of what he’d learned Liara’s motives.

Some part of him knew that he was reacting irrationally, lashing out at her for doing something that ultimately, he couldn’t deny, had benefitted him. But still, there was the fact that Liara had done it, had recovered his body and handed it off to Cerberus, not for his sake, not as a way to bring him back, not even to have a voice the Council would listen to regarding the Reapers, but to bring him back for her. From the way that Garrus and Tali had been surprised when he’d run into them again, both by him being alive and by him being tied up with Cerberus, they hadn’t known about what she had done. And Kaidan... That had been nothing but a disaster, but he’d had no idea beyond rumors that Shepard was alive. He’d had no idea that Liara had done this either. Why had she kept them out of the loop about something like this? Why had she done this on her own, then kept it to herself?

_Because she couldn’t let go of her crush. Because she wanted this to be her great contribution to the story of my life. Make it so that she would be important in my life. Maybe even she hoped that I’d be so grateful to her that I’d turn around and-_ He cut himself off at that point, not wanting to consider that fact. Still, the first time that Shepard had spoken with her, Liara had made some extremely clumsy references to being attracted to him. He’d politely ignored them at the time, attempting to pretend that she hadn’t said them (they’d literally only just met, and she said that she was ‘intrigued’ by him, which had set off alarm bells, but he had been willing to just pass it off as her having been swept up by the adrenaline) and, when she’d ‘corrected’ him about it later, he’d thought he’d been gentle but firm in expressing that he was not interested in her that way. Of course, ration told him that it had been mixed signals from the start, given that melding with her was something that they’d NEEDED to do, and, to an asari, the meld was... Well, probably a lot like sex amongst humans, given that it was vital to their reproduction. Some probably saw it as a casual thing, that you could do it and just move on, while others saw it as a special bond between two people. Shepard wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Liara fell into the latter category, which, on paper, could be considered reason for what she’d done. But still, for her to take it as far as she had, take it from paper and put it into practice...

There was a sudden electronic warble, someone at the door. “Shepard?”

“It’s Garrus and Tali. Can we come in?”

For a moment, Shepard considered not letting them in, a part of him just wanting to wallow for a while. His friends, though, were there, wanting to help in whatever way that they could. He hit the switch, admitting them. 

“Shepard. Liara contacted us, told us... what happened down there.” Garrus shook his head as he sat down on the couch in the lower area. He seemed to try to consider for a moment what he should say.

Tali rescued him from the first response. “I’m not sure how to take learning what she did. I mean, I’d want my wishes respected if I... if something happened to me. But I can’t say I’m not glad to have you back, Shepard.” 

“That’s the part I’m struggling with right now,” Shepard admitted. He certainly couldn’t condemn the fact that he was alive. Hell, he’d recognized on occasion that he was focusing just on the fact that he was breathing, that his heart was beating, that his blood was pumping. He’d never stopped to appreciate those facts before... before. But the why of it... He was alive right now, not just because Cerberus had decided to play God in the name of preventing humanity’s destruction, but because Liara had created a fantasy in her head, and couldn’t let go of it and went to them to try to fulfill it. Was it something that he could live with, the fact that she had defied nature in an attempt to bring him back for her benefit? 

“It’s a difficult thing to even get my mind around it. To be honest, Shepard, it took me a while to genuinely believe you’d died and been brought back. I thought for sure that Cerberus had kidnapped you, blanked your memory, or kept you unconscious the whole time... Something.”

Tali nodded. “Me too, Shepard. It’s difficult to even think about you being...” She couldn’t bring herself to say the word.

Shepard understood. He had just as much trouble with the thought. Yeoman Chambers had been trying to speak with him on the matter for a while now, and he’d done his utmost to avoid her getting a chance to do more than even allude to it in broad terms. If he let himself seriously focus on it, even think about it more than in passing, he’d probably fall apart at how much of an identity crisis it would turn into – was he still the real Shepard? _Definitely_ NOT _the time to be thinking about that..._ He made himself try to focus on something other than an impending identity crisis. He’d leave that for at the very least until after the Collectors were stopped, if not later. Maybe, if he played his cards right, he could avoid having to think about it for at least dealing with the Reapers or even until he died (and the pessimistic side of him said those would probably coincide, though he tried to shut that voice out).

“I have trouble with it myself. I don’t really remember anything from the point of the _Normandy’s_ destruction until... waking up on that table.” He almost made a reference to Rip Van Winkle, but recognized that Garrus and Tali weren’t likely to recognize the reference. “Until now, I only had Cerberus’s word... Miranda and Jacob’s word that I really was dead.” He had started out believing simply that he’d been severely wounded, in some kind of medical coma for the last couple of years, and that his ‘death’ was simple exaggeration, saying he’d been more damaged than he had been just in some attempt to make him feel more indebted to Cerberus. But with Liara’s pronouncement of just what she had done with his body... It had made Cerberus’s claim of him being dead feel more real.

Garrus shook his head again. “I don’t really know how to handle all of this. Frankly, this is all too much like science fiction for me.”

“You live on a spaceship and are talking to aliens,” Tali pointed out, her head tilted skeptically.

He just waved her off. “The vid kind, not the real life kind. I look at it this way. Shepard, you’re my friend, and you’re alive. Whatever else, it doesn’t matter. Whether you were unconscious or in a coma or even dead, I don’t know what, and I don’t care. What matters is that you are here and you’re alive. And if Liara contributed to that, then... Well, whatever her reasons, I can’t say that I argue with the results.”

Both Shepard and Tali mulled that over for a moment. “You know, Shepard... He has a point. Even if Liara did it for the wrong reasons, can you say that you think that she did the wrong thing?”

Before the destruction of the Normandy, Shepard would have said that she had. Seeing how the galaxy had quietly attempted to sweep all concept of the Reapers under the rug and the Council opting to bury their heads in the sand, however, made him consider that, long and hard. It was possible that without him there, resisting the Reapers, even using the opportunity that Cerberus was giving him – he still found Cerberus’s ‘humanity first’ attitude despicable, but he was forming a multi-species coalition with their help, so there might be something worth redeeming in the organization, if not its leadership – the Reapers would be able to take out the galaxy unopposed. 

Still, the sense of violation remained. Liara had set things into motion that had resulted in him being brought back against his wishes. And she had done it because she had some kind of obsession with him. She’d brought him back not for the galaxy, but for herself. Did the ends justify the means, or the reasons? That... That was difficult for Shepard to get past. “I can live with what she did. But to forgive her... to forgive the why of what she did... that’s going to take time. If it happens at all.” He wasn’t sure if it could.

Garrus shrugged – it was Shepard’s decision, whichever way he went. Tali seemed struggle with it for a moment, but she finally nodded. “I understand, Shepard. I can’t exactly say that if it had been me in that position, I wouldn’t have made the same choice she did, but I understand why you can’t forgive her.” She stood and placed a hand on his arm. “Just remember, if you ever need to talk about it, I- er, WE are here for you.” 

Both of them took that as a cue to go. Once they were gone, Shepard couldn’t resist the sigh of relief, both at the fact that he hadn’t just burned bridges with two of his closest friends, but also at the fact that Tali had opted to pretend she hadn’t made that verbal slip. Kelly had told him she’d gotten the impression that Tali was attracted to him. He shook his head in disgust. Ashley, Liara, Miranda, Jack, and Tali, too? Right now, the only women he’d served with on either _Normandy_ and interacted with in great detail who hadn’t expressed an interest in him were Kelly, Gabby, Samara, and Kasumi. And, he supposed, he didn’t spend much time in the engine room with Gabby, while Samara had just joined. There was still time.

Instead of giving in to the urge to beat his head against a wall (he’d leave that business to Grunt, a thought that reminded him that he had promised both Grunt and Mordin that they’d go to Tuchanka ASAP), He decided to address the feelings of violation that the discussion of what Liara had done had brought up and decided to take a long shower.

***

Going on what was dubbed a ‘suicide mission’ and making it through to the other side in one piece had a way of giving you perspective on things. When Shepard made it through the destruction of the Collector Base, after sleeping for a solid twenty-four hours, he began to consider much of everything. He had several things he wanted to do – he’d promised Emily Wong an interview, and, given that this hadn’t been an Alliance or Council mission, he had every intention of giving it to her and letting her spread the word of just what had been going on and making a public declaration of his rejection of Cerberus (not to mention how, if word was out there, it could light a fire under the Council and the Alliance’s collective asses), he wanted desperately to have a face-to-face conversation with his mother, he wanted to contact Kaidan and apologize for how horribly he had handled their conversation on Horizon... And he felt like, even if he couldn’t forget what she had done, he might be willing to forgive Liara.

So, when Miranda came to him with the last Cerberus intercept that she’d gotten before they’d gone through the Omega 4 Relay, the data package that said that Cerberus had a lead on the Shadow Broker, Shepard, despite his differences and feelings towards her, had brought it to Liara, willing to let them slide for the sake of finding a way to give them both closure. That gesture had led to an assassination attempt on her life, a bombing attack on the Dracon Trade Towers in one of Illium’s major trading centers, and a confrontation with a rogue Spectre. Liara had spent most of the trip to Hagalaz in one of the sleeping pods, resting up from an adrenaline crash, while Shepard had tried and failed to come up with a strategy against an enemy that they didn’t know. 

Then again, when they’d finally gone up against the Shadow Broker, it had been something that neither of them had any expectation to face a yahg. Shepard hadn’t even known what the hell a yahg was before they’d gone up against him (and, now that he did, wished he could go back to blissful ignorance on the subject). But at least now, the Broker was dead.

And Liara had taken on his mantle.

Shepard wasn’t sure if this would allow her to spread her wings or send her plummeting into the abyss she’d skirted when she’d handed him off to Cerberus. That was why he agreed to meet with her on the Normandy, to try and get a chance to clear all of this up. 

Unlike most people, she rapped gently on the door. Shepard nodded to the projector for EDI to admit her (EDI didn’t actually need him to nod to the projector, but it gave him a place to look, so that was helpful). She had changed into more casual attire (no one relaxed in the same clothing that they’d just engaged in mortal combat in, though where she’d gotten the dress was a mystery to Shepard, and, all things considered, he was willing to let that one lie).

“Did you enjoy the tour?” Shepard asked, rising from his assembly of the model of the Shadow Broker ship that the info-drone had supplied before he’d returned to the _Normandy._

“Yes. Yeoman Chambers was... quite a change to the Alliance private who gave me the tour of the old Normandy. Though I noted that she seemed... quite pained. I... assume that’s because of the Collector attack?”

Shepard nodded, reminding himself that the counselor could use some counseling after what she’d been through. “It was traumatic for all the crew.”

“No doubt. I can’t imagine how terrifying it must have been for them.” She managed to shift gears and summon up a small smile. “I did see Doctor Chakwas. She seemed to be happy to see me. I enjoyed the conversations we had back on the old Normandy.” Then she awkwardly cleared her throat. “I also ran into Joker. He asked me if my eyes were going to do ‘that freaky black eyed eternity’ thing.”

Shepard rolled his eyes and sighed disgustedly. “Of course he did...” 

Liara hesitated on the stair for a moment, looking around the room. “I... Thank you for inviting me up, Shepard. I... To be honest, I was surprised you came to me with the information on the Shadow Broker.”

“I did have to think about it,” Shepard admitted. “I’d honestly considered never seeing you again after... everything.”

“And I completely understand. You were... You are right to be angry at me. I disregarded what you wanted to... I... I’m not even sure why I did it.” She gave Shepard a rueful smile. “You approached me in friendship, even expressed that it was merely friendship and nothing more, and somehow, I managed to delude myself into believing that it meant that you and I might... It was foolish of me. Not just foolish, but childish.”

Shepard couldn’t argue that. An uncharitable part of him would have deemed it an understatement. “You understand why I was so angry with you, don’t you?”

She nodded. “Yes. I understand completely. And I don’t blame you. I don’t... I can’t believe I did it. I shouldn’t have done it.”

“No, you shouldn’t have.” He knew he was still being hard on her, but it wasn’t something he felt ready to unconditionally forgive. Having her here could easily being taken wrong, and given he’d thought that he had been clear about how he felt (or didn’t feel) about Liara back in the days on the old _Normandy..._ He wanted to make sure that didn’t happen again. “You knew what I would have wanted and ignored it. Even if retrospect says it was the right thing to do... You still ignored my wishes for your own desires. I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for that.”

“I don’t expect you to, Shepard. If... If you would prefer, I could send any information that I find about the Reapers to you through intermediaries. You... wouldn’t have to see me again.”

It was tempting, purely on a reflexive level – all of his problems with Liara would be soothed quite a bit by never interacting with her ever again. But Shepard knew that it was also over the line. “That’s not quite necessary, Liara. The things we’ve gone through... I’m not sure I’m willing to say all is forgiven, but... At the very least, I’m willing to work together.” With the Reapers coming, the fact of the matter was Shepard couldn’t really expect to be able to turn away anyone willing to help.

It seemed Liara recognized that. “With the Reapers coming, I suppose you aren’t going to turn away any allies.” There was a hint of regret in her voice, but mostly understanding. 

“That doesn’t preclude ever being friends, though. It may take a while, and I hope you understand that it will never be more than that, but... Give me some time and I think I can be willing to be friends again.”

She hadn’t been expecting that. “Shepard, I... I don’t... I’m surprised that you would be willing to...”

“Like I said, it won’t happen overnight. And, just so we’re clear, we’ll never be more than just friends. But... The things we’ve been through... I suppose it makes it difficult to hold on to all my anger.” And the disgust, and even the few embers of hatred that he would only admit to if he had taken in enough alcohol to shut down his liver, even with the Cerberus implants. Regardless, all of that was simply not enough to completely shatter the fire-forged friendship that they’d had. Though Shepard probably would be of a different opinion in the event that Liara hadn’t started off the conversation with an apology. 

She stared in surprise for a moment, not having expected this much. “I... don’t know what to say, Shepard. I... Thank you. For your forgiveness. Even though I don’t deserve it.”

“If you think you don’t deserve it, then earn it. That’s what you becoming the Shadow Broker is for, right? You want to do something to help me in fighting the Reapers. So find what we need to defeat them.” It wasn’t a perfect solution, it didn’t solve everything... But it was a start. A thought occurred to Shepard before he could feel comfortable calling this the final word on the subject. “So long as you don’t end up letting your efforts consume you. Make sure that you come up for air every now and then.” He paused for a beat. “And... try to move on with your life. Find another place for your happiness.” He considered directed her towards Feron, but the drell had only just gotten out of the Broker’s torture devices. He was likely still too traumatized for anything remotely resembling a romance. 

She gave a pained smile, likely hearing the things that he wasn’t saying. “I should probably get back to the ship. The info-drone is probably driving Feron up the wall by now. Before I go, however...” She reached into a pocket on her dress and pulled out a pair of dog tags. They were scuffed and scorched, in a manner that closely resembled the tags that Shepard had recovered... on Alchera...

“Are those...?”

“I recovered them with your body. I... wasn’t going to let Cerberus have them. If you want them back...”

Shepard recognized the gesture for what she meant it as – the tags were a physical reminder of Shepard, and letting him have them was her attempting to let go of him. 

“I never thought I’d see these again. Thank you.” With a smile, Liara passed the tags to Shepard and walked out of the cabin.

***

The Reapers had invaded. Finally, people actually were listening to him when he warned them about the dangers posed by the ancient machines. He just hoped that they hadn’t waited until it was too late to do so. 

Still, there needed to be some time to pause and take a breath. That’s what led Shepard to Apollo’s Café after speaking with Kaidan in Huerta Memorial. And he was surprised at the face on the other side of the bar.

“Matriarch Aethyta.”

“I remember you. Shepard, right?”

“What are you doing here?” The last time Shepard had seen the husky voiced asari bartender, she’d been on Illium, where she’d said she’d gone to after the other matriarchs ‘laughed the blue off her ass’ for suggesting that they start looking into making their own mass relays. Hadn’t seemed the type willing to just pull up stakes at the drop of the hat.

She shrugged. “Well, with the Reapers moving in, Illium didn’t seem all that safe anymore. Thought I’d get myself someplace a little less... vulnerable.”

In other circumstances, that would have been enough. But... “I don’t think that’s it. I’ve seen some... video footage. Of you, staring at a picture of Liara.” 

Shepard knew that his suspicions were on the money when Aethyta looked over to Liara, out on the patio, buried to her eyelids in reports. The matriarch’s expression softened. “Yeah... Matriarch Benezia was... her mother.” He could put the pieces together.

Given the fervor that Liara had thrown herself into the Crucible project, Shepard recognized that she needed a break from it. “I think Liara would like to get to know you,” he said, remembering the long ago discussion that they’d had regarding her absent ‘father.’ 

Aethyta scowled at him in response. “Hey, this isn’t charity work. She happens to be one of the biggest information brokers in the business. The matriarchs might be concerned about some of her connections.” Her gaze narrowed. “Like a boyfriend that used to work for Cerberus. Sound familiar?”

Shepard did a double take at that, but while his brain attempted to process it, his mouth already went to work. “No.”

“Don’t play games with me, Shepard. You weren’t even trying to hide it back on Illium.”

“I may have worked with Cerberus but I am not and have never been Liara’s boyfriend. Maybe you should let her do her work in the intelligence game. She’s clearly doing a better job than you are.” 

As much as Shepard liked the fact that he’d just not only back-talked an asari matriarch but also gotten in a half-decent dig at her (he’d agreed with Gianna Parasini when he’d helped her out on Illium on the joys of showing asari where they could stick their superiority), part of him was surprised he hadn’t gotten hit with a biotic Singularity for that. 

Instead, however, Aethyta just gave him a look, as if she was reappraising him. “Understood. But you still worked with Cerberus.”

“And I don’t anymore.”

“I know. If you were, you wouldn’t get within ten light years of Liara.”

“That seems pretty protective for someone who claims not to want to be involved in her life.”

“And you seem pretty interested for someone not in a relationship with her.”

Shepard let out a disgusted sigh – Try to do a friend a favor... “I’m a nice person, trying to help a friend. You’re the only family she has left now, and with this war, with her choosing to be out on the front lines, she could use any kind of connection to keep her grounded.”

The bartender scowled again. “Hey, it’s not like this is charity work. The matriarchs almost had a hit out on her until I took these crap jobs to keep an eye on her. You don’t think they might be tempted to put someone else on this job? Someone not so... interested in her well being?”

“You and I both know the matriarchs aren’t going to be worth much if the Reapers win. They’re already busy burying their heads in the sand, you really think they’re going to be concerned with whether or not Liara is being monitored by one of her parents or someone without that conflict of interest?” The asari had already withdrawn from any peace initiative between the salarians, turians, and krogan, it seemed they’d pretty much given up on anything beyond their borders.

“Yeah, well... We’ll see.” That seemed to be a cue for Shepard to leave the conversation. 

He figured that Liara might like to know this information.

***

“Shepard!” Liara approached him as they returned to the Normandy, leave over. “I wanted to thank you for insisting I speak with... my father.”

The use of the masculine term for the other asari parent still confused Shepard, but he ignored that. “Glad to hear it.”

“Though she did repeatedly attempt to convince me that there was some ulterior motive to you attempting to convince us to speak.” Before Shepard could do more than scowl, she continued. “I did do my best to dissuade her from that belief. She is, however, rather... stubborn.”

“It seems like it’s a family trait.” Still, at least by this point, at least they’d developed to a friendly camaraderie. It had been, to an extent, necessary, as Liara was pretty much stuck on board the Normandy as the war progressed, and they couldn’t spend all of the fight avoiding each other. 

She chuckled. “I suppose so.” She looked back to the Normandy. “I suppose it’s back to work. I should check with Glyph, see if there’s anything more about the Crucible that Glyph has managed to decode.” 

***

“So what looks good?” Shepard asked as he took a seat beside Kaidan, picking up a menu.

“I don’t suppose they have a good Canadian lager and a steak sandwich?” Kaidan replied with a grin.

“More like Thessian red wine. And the steak’s probably from some shifty looking cow.”

“Well, it’ll do in a pinch.” Kaidan’s grin faded as he looked to Shepard. “So... Shepard, we’re good, right? After everything that went down, on Horizon, on Mars... You and me... we’re good, right?”

Loaded question. But Shepard had done what he could to clear the air back in Huerta Memorial. He’d said what he’d needed to, let Kaidan unload, and they’d both admitted to mistakes. Kaidan had trusted him when it had counted, when he’d had no reason other than his own gut to trust Shepard. If he’d had any lingering doubts, they’d been dispelled when Kaidan had put down the gun. “We’re good, Kaidan.”

A smaller smile appeared on Kaidan’s face. “I’m glad to hear it Shepard. I... You know, this was a whole lot easier in my head.”

Shepard grew concerned – this was not what he’d expected from Kaidan. “What’s wrong?”

“I...” Kaidan sighed. “When that mech attacked me on Mars... My life flashed before my eyes. I... I didn’t have a lot of things that I regretted, but... One of them was that I never got to spend real time with... someone I really care about.”

A part of Shepard suddenly grew hopeful. Another part got afraid. “Kaidan... What are you saying?”

“What I’m saying is... Shepard, have you ever known me to be with anyone? I... I guess I’ve always been waiting for the right... person, and...” Kaidan seemed unable to stop himself from beating around the bush. That gave Shepard a sense of hope – there was one thing he could think of that could so easily vex the stoic and reserved major.

“Kaidan, are you... interested in me?’ 

The words hung in the air between them for a long moment. When Kaidan looked to Shepard, he could see the answer in his eyes even before Kaidan said it.

“Yes.”

There was too much distance between them for Shepard to comfortably lean over and kiss him (not that the thought didn’t occur to him), so he reached out and took Kaidan’s hand in his own. “I’m glad to hear it.”

The relief visible on Kaidan’s face was almost palpable. “God, Shepard... You don’t know how happy that makes me.” He shifted his hand so that their fingers were entwined. It felt right. Both of them had silly grins on their faces. It wasn’t until the waiter arrived with their order that he seemed capable of letting go. Not that Shepard was complaining. 

Then, as the waiter moved off, Kaidan cracked a grin. “You know, Shepard, part of what made this so awkward was this rumor I heard, about you and Liara...”

Shepard moaned and dropped his head against the table, the thunk causing Kaidan to laugh.


End file.
